Your face is a jimmy john
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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