This girl is more easily done than said...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
