I hope mine doesn't look like that
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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