I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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