You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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