I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
