i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
