My hand turned me down
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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