My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Someone came in the potted fern
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
