Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
