$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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