She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
