That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
