That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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