If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
