This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
