JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
