she was so not down for the gang bang
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
