i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
