I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
