If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
