Betty ford says i'm here all night
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
