It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
