I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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