I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
