Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
