i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
