my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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