she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
