Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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