Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
