Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
