we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
