from now on my penis is your penis
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
