the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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