I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
