there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
