The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
