That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
