Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
