woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
