My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
And then my night got REAL pukey
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
