I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
