U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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