how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I touched a dick in church today
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
