he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
