Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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