the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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