can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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