It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i think i have herpe
just one?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
