All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
