no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
