he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
