One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
