Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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