I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Randomize
